18 More Things Your White, Male Self Needs to do... Because Victims and Oppression

Oh, good! The Oppression Olympics continue! This week's competition - how to admit you are a racist, woman hating piece of trash! Brought to you by the editor in chief of some magazine no one reads! But hey, at least she got you to look at her and maybe someone will read the rag now!

​From her tweet storm:

1. Overcome your own transphobia. Trans women are women. Accept the lived truth of NB and GNC people, whether or not they are women.

Men, forget about the preferred genitals of the person you want to sleep with. If they have long hair and wear makeup, they are female. Or the bass player of a death metal band. They'll let you know. 

Trans women are trans women. If the person I am about to hop into bed with was, at some point, another gender, I'd like to know, especially if they still have the equipment of the previous gender. I may not be attracted to identical genitals. And if you want to argue with this, fine. I never want to hear you complain about a man with a small penis again. The genitals don't matter, right? 

As an aside, how come very few people ever seem to argue this or anything else really on behalf of trans men?!

2. Be pro-choice and be vocal in support of reproductive rights. (And generous! Give to @abortionfunds) Understand that the opposite of reproductive choice is forced childbearing.

Everyone wants your money. If you throw money at it, you win points towards not oppressing them! What you don't know is what amount you need to throw at any given cause to be considered as someone who is not oppressing them! 

Also, give up on your personal beliefs, religious beliefs, and morals because it oppresses them! You are only permitted the morals and beliefs assigned to you by the left!

3. Support subsidized birth control. Support nontaxed menstrual products. Ask your workplace if tampons and pads are free. Get over your embarrassment about menstruation.

Wow. OK. Again, throw money at it. Pay for their birth control. Support raising taxes to cover the cost of that birth control and every other social issue, but fight to make sure they don't have to pay into those taxes, because that's not fair, apparently. Demand that your boss pay for their feminine hygiene products, and it better be the good stuff, too! Discuss women's periods with your co-workers over lunch. But don't ever, EVER ask a woman if she is on her period if she is in a bad mood! Also, stop being embarrassed by something that you probably didn't give a crap about to begin with. 

4. Vocally advocate at your workplace for longer and more egalitarian paid parental leave, whether or not parenthood is part of your life. Advocate for lactation spaces. Advocate for on-site or subsidized childcare.

Tell your boss that you believe parents should get more maternity/paternity leave. But because you chose to not have kids, it isn't fair that they get that leave and you should get that leave, too, so you can bond with your cat. Advocate for lactation spaces, which is everywhere a woman wants to breastfeed. And don't freak out if you walk into a business meeting with three women breastfeeding. And don't look. And tell your boss that when they're done paying for their pads and tampons and birth control, now they have to foot the bill for childcare, too. Because all of this really entices bosses to hire more women. But we can complain about that later.

5a. Actually prioritize women's issues when you decide who to vote for. Understand that women's issues are your issues.

Vote democrat. Because no one else cares about women's issues. The democrats don't either, but they talk a lot about it. They don't actually do anything for women, but they talk about it. Just like they do with minorities! And talking is great! 

6. Whenever you are in a group of only men (social, work, church, etc.) ask yourself why. Then ask out loud why. Force an honest answer.

Never, ever have time and conversations with only people of the same gender. You should always feel comfortable having any conversation around mixed genders. After all, this is PC fairy land, so you couldn't possibly be talking about man things or telling jokes or anything like that! But don't disrupt us when we're having girls' night out or we're talking to our girlfriends. This doesn't involve you. And we need to escape men sometimes. You, however, should never need time away from the women in your life!

7. Cultivate genuine, intimate, nonsexual friendships with women.

Because I'm sure none of you have any female friends in your life that you don't want to nail. That never happens. You want to nail every woman you see, don't you, you pig?! 

8. Seek out women to be your heroes and mentors.

​Don't look up to people who actually inspire you! Are you out of your mind?! Make women your heroes no matter what! A woman with a male hero, however, is a gender traitor. 

9. Any time you see a building, street, institution, etc. named for a man, see how long it takes you to spot another one named for a woman.

Just because! We should randomly name streets, buildings, etc. after women who didn't do anything and no one ever heard of. 

10. Ask yourself what you don't do, for whatever reason, that you also think of as something women tend to do. (Sew? Send birthday cards? Care about skincare?) Try doing it for a while.

Yeah... the metrosexual thing died out and we don't like it. So get your man-bun on, slather yourself in lotion, and spend time at the park knitting me a scarf to stick that cute birthday card to, you pig! Because I'm sure you never bought a card for anyone and you probably don't even bath yourself. Women, on the other hand, have a self imposed two hour morning skin routine and a one hour evening skin routine. Be more like us! Next week, we'll talk about your foundation shade and how to contour. If you don't like it, you're part of the patriarchy. 

11. Talk less. In all spaces. At all times.

Never speak. No one wants to hear your voice. And your opinion is invalid because you are a white cis male heteronormative.... omg, I can't speak Tumblr. Fill that in yourself. 

12. When you need support, reach out to men as well as women. Create a culture of openness around yourself.

Uh... because... I'm sure you don't ask men for support? Ever? You only go to women for that? Actually, guys, when you need support, go to a close friend. Their gender doesn't matter. And you aren't required to create a "culture of openness." You spill your beans to whoever you want, and everyone else doesn't matter. 

13. Consume media marketed to women. Don't perform your consumption.

Read those 400 page magazines that contain 350 pages of advertisements. Learn about weird sex positions, take ridiculous quiz things, and look at pictures of models in clothing that cost more than your car, so you can understand why the women around you are always talking about other people's privilege. Then, even though the magazines are saying women like this, ignore all of it.  

14. Deprogram your beliefs about thinness being an optimal state of feminine beauty. Deprogram your beliefs that your desire matters.

Stop being attracted to whatever attracts you. If a woman approaches you and wants to sleep with you or date you, you must accept and tell them they are pretty, even if they are 5 foot tall, weigh 650 lbs., and have a face like a potato. 

15. Jerk off without porn for a while.

Mmmm. That houseplant is HOT! Stop being attracted to women. In this case, you can ignore the last statement. Women shouldn't turn you on. At all. Stop looking at women in a sexual way. At all. Admit to yourself that the women in those porns aren't being paid for what they are doing and don't want to be there. They might say they do, but deep down, they don't. You are objectifying those women who openly chose to work in the sex field and you should stop, forcing them to maybe leave and become dancers or street walkers instead.

16. Learn about racism and intersectionality, and do everything you can to empower and amplify black women and nbwoc

Or don't. Because no matter what, you are born a racist, sexist piece of trash, and nothing you do or say will ever change that. If you ever disagree with any woman or black person or non-binary person you are immediately racist, sexist, bigoted, etc. Even if you have overwhelming evidence. So you could learn about all of this stuff and descend from the heavens as a person with no bias at all, but if your skin color isn't right, if you are straight, or male you are still a racist, sexist, bigot. Because 2017!

​17. Befriend children.

Yeah, stop eating your young, damn it! Men never befriend children. All men hate children. Pigs.​

18-infinity. Please add more! I've got to go do other things now.

Yeah. Stuff. And PC culture. And stuff. Pigs. 

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