Know Your Meme? Let's Discuss! - Raising Kids

A friend of mine shared this on Facebook and I wanted to break it down. This meme could have taken up less space by just saying, "It's a lack of parental involvement." 

We're talking about school shootings, where the shooters are generally under the age of 19, most often 17 and below. Kids who will stand up, like those in Parkland, and tell us about our rights and their rights and what we need to do, but they themselves aren't willing to change the teenager culture that requires you to be pretty and cool at all cost or get absolutely decimated by your classmates. So we're going to look at this as it pertains to school shooters under 18. 

"It's the violent culture." That your parents allowed you to be subjected to. Your parents aren't paying attention to your TV habits or what garbage you are watching on YouTube and can't be bothered to at least try to set the computer to block content. So we're going to request musicians change their styles to suit your kids, that TV shows meant for adults produce kid friendly content, that YouTube censor content creators because their snowflake might find a bad video that was meant for adults. 

"It's violent video games." That were meant for adults. Video games have ratings for a reason, and odds are, little Johnny didn't spend his own $60 to get the latest Call of Duty game. Mommy or daddy probably bought it for him to shut his little whiny butt up. Why should I, as a legal adult with a job and money, have video games I enjoy blocked from sale because Karen and Rob can't control their little brat who screams until they buy him a video game where the point is to fight a war?! 

"It's violent movies." That were meant for adults. Little Johnny isn't going to the theater alone. I remember trying that as a kid, it didn't work. And guess what? My mother didn't buy me a ticket, either. As the parent, your job is to exert control over this sort of thing. Don't buy or rent movies your kid shouldn't be watching. Don't take your kids to the movies to see violent movies. Use the safeties on your devices and services to prevent your kid from sneaking them when your soaking in the bathtub. But don't tell Hollywood that they can only make certain kinds of movies to protect your child. Protecting your child is your job. Not Hollywood's. And I want to watch whatever I want to watch. 

"It's the lack of respect for human life." A lesson meant to be taught by parents. And if you are paying attention to what music they listen to, what movies they watch, and what video games they play, you are already half way there. Respect for life is a lesson parents should be teaching their kids regularly. From the value of the life of a butterfly to the life of their neighbor, you should be teaching your child how to treat life. 

"It's the lack of moms and dads." Which really could have summed up the entire meme. Be there for your child. You aren't their friend, you are their parent. You can be their friend when they move out and get a job. Until then, you are in control. You set the boundaries. Single parent? Still not an excuse. Your child should have a person in their life that fills that roll. It could be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a teacher, a pastor, or someone from one of the mentoring services offered. 

"It's the lack of communities." These are available if the parent takes the steps. It could be a community center, a church or other house of worship, youth groups, scouting, soccer teams, swim teams, basketball teams, cooking classes, after school activities. A strong community can be found in a lot of places. 

"It's a lack of church going." Again, this is up to the parents. My family was never religious, but when I was young my parents took me to church on Sundays anyway. I went to religious based schools. I grew up to be non-religious. I have beliefs, but I do not follow organized religion. The bottom line is, my parents gave me the option. If you are not religious, that, too, is fine. Religious debate with your child, on their level, is not a bad thing. It's a learning experience. What your child learns there will stick with them no matter what. And that's the good and the bad. I blame my religious schools for my lack of desire in participating in organized religion. Your child isn't going to tell you what the teacher said in their 1st grade class, because they might not grasp what was wrong with it until high school. That's what happened to me. I took the teacher's word for it, my parents never knew. Then I got to high school and remembered what she said and how it was incorrect... and it tainted my faith badly. 

​"It's the lack of attention to mental issues." Agreed. But again, this is on the parents. It is very hard to do, though. You have to look at your own child and realize something is wrong. No parent wants to admit their kid might need some mental help. No parent wants to admit their child isn't perfect. They are perfect to you. But realizing early that your kid might need help could help them to live a long and normal life outside of the prison system. 

"It's the lack of teaching right from wrong." Something we expect the teachers to do, but that job is also the parents'. Your wrong might not be the teacher's wrong. That teacher is there to teach them math, science, reading, writing, etc. Morals are on you as a parent. 

"It's the lack of love." Here's where the proverbial poop is about to hit the fan. You might not like what I am about to say, but I am going to say it... because someone has to. 

If you are not prepared to love your child, do not have one. 

That means... if you are having a kid because your parents are badgering you to.... because you are "supposed to"... because your political and religious leaders are telling you it is "your duty"...

​Then you are having kids for the absolute wrong reason. 

That child is not a clothing accessory. It is a human being that depends on you to raise it and teach it. To be a parent. Not to be a friend... a parent. Not to get you more likes on Instagram... a parent. Long after you are gone, that kid has to survive. They have to live in this world and function, and all they have is what you taught them. That means they're going to tell you they hate you sometimes. They are going to cry and scream. They are going to be difficult. You are going to have to sacrifice. You might not be able to get the latest tech products anymore because your kid outgrows their shoes every three months. You might not be able to take romantic vacations because your kid is going to completely destroy those plans. You might have to change your movie viewing habits so little Johnny doesn't watch Marsha get disemboweled by a monster in a horror movie. You might spend your vacation time at amusement parks instead of the hiking trails. You might have to go without some things so your kid can have something they need. 

That is a human being. And until you are willing to spend the necessary time to raise and teach that human being... until you are ready to sacrifice the things you want to own and do... until you can handle the tough times with the fun times... don't have kids. 

And yes, for some people that day is never going to come. You may never have a kid. And your parents might throw a fit. People around you might be beside themselves. You might have to hear "you'll change your mind" 60,000 times a month. You might get guilt tripped. You might have people say absolutely awful things to you because they are absolutely awful people. You might have to listen to people on your political side whine and cry about how you HAVE to make babies because the human race is going to die off or something if you don't. You will be accused of being selfish. People will ask who is going to take care of you when you are old (as if having kids guarantees they will). 

But at the end of the day, you need to decide what is best for that kid. If you are unwilling to do everything required to be a parent, don't be one. It's hard work. It's time consuming. It's thankless. It's expensive. And a good portion of the people out there are ready and willing to do that. But a lot aren't. And we need to leave better kids for our world. Not being in it 100% doesn't leave better kids for our world, and it isn't doing that kid any good, either. So forget about everyone around you. You are the one raising that kid. And if you aren't willing to do it 100%, please don't bother.