Pro Tip: If You Don't Know the Gun Laws, Don't Write Articles About Them

Here’s how this act could be devastating for victims of domestic abuse: if someone with a history of domestic abuse is denied a gun after a background check in one state, he or she could simply go to another state that does not require background checks, purchase a gun, and carry it across state lines.

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Copyright Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Ruger 1911, 45 ACP

Oh my God. 

1. All states require background checks. All of them. Every single one. Because the background check law is FEDERAL. The background checks are done by the FBI. 
2. Purchasing guns out of state has restrictions. I don't know if it varies state to state (see how easy it is to admit you don't know something?!), but I know here in NC we don't sell guns to out of staters. You must live here and be able to prove it. 

I'm not sure how the disconnect happens with the media and gun laws, but this constant rumor of "some states don't require background checks" has surpassed the level of ignorance and gone in to a straight up lie. 

It is horse manure. Simple as that. 

And the use of domestic violence victims to push a narrative is sick. The fear this article could cause in any number of those victims is terrible.

​Victims of domestic abuse have a lot of crap to worry about. I mean, a lot. And most of the safe guards in place are ineffective. 

This is a personal experience story, so if you hate those, see you in the next article. But for the rest of you, let me tell you a story. 

I mention my dad a lot, and I apologize for that. But I'm doing that again. As some of you know, my dad died in April 2016 from glioblastoma. If you were with me before the site moved here, you may remember there was a period of time about mid way through his illness where I vanished due to a "domestic issue." It was about a week or so where I went completely dark. 

That "domestic issue" didn't get discussed at length on the page even though a lot of folks emailed and tweeted me about it. It freaks people out to see that statement and then see someone who posts several times a day suddenly vanish for a solid week. But it was, as you probably guessed, a domestic violence issue, one that required me to grab my mother and her dog and run. 

I moved home when my dad became ill and have remained because my mother is handicapped. During the duration of my dad's illness, he became increasingly violent. He had been verbally abusive to my mother and I for my entire life, but violence was new. And it was his illness, just to be clear, that was causing the shift to violence. That day, he poisoned my mother's dog. She's OK. She has seizures occasionally as a result, but she's OK. I rushed her to the vet before anything horrible happened, but upon my return, dad was none too pleased that I had rescued the dog. My mother threw dad out that day, telling him he needed to go to a hotel for a few days while we sorted things out (please keep in mind, at this point, he'd already struck my mother several times in the week leading up to this, and was constantly throwing household items and bodily waste at both of us, and he was not allowing us to sleep for more than an hour or so a night). 

He left, but a few hours later he returned drunk and angry. He kicked in the front door and headed for my mother. When the police arrived, my mother and I were instructed to leave the house, leaving my dad alone in the house. At that point, I made the post from the hotel and went dark. Dad was looking for us, and we knew because we were contacted by friends and neighbors he'd gone after the next day.

This began a long fight for restraining orders, having my dad declared incompetent, and working with the courts to house him. He ended up in a nursing home that specialized in brain cancer and dementia. 

Regardless of the restraining order, my father kept in contact. It was a no contact order. He wasn't allowed home and he wasn't allowed to call. He ignored it. He kept trying to leave the home and almost succeeded several times. One time, he made it to our block before he was caught. He called all hours of the day and night, threatening my mom. We got to a point where any time the phone rang, we jumped. I was constantly getting up and patrolling the house and the outside of the house. 

None of these safeguards helped us. No laws prevented my father from attacking and threatening us. They couldn't keep him away from us. We had a judge almost not issue the restraining order because he decided we weren't in danger and were just trying to get rid of a sick old man... and yes, he said that to us. It cost my mom a lot of money to hire a lawyer to ensure the order. The cops were not on our side. The doctors wouldn't help. We were so alone and scared half to death, to the point where it has been almost two years and we're still dealing with the psychological aftermath. My father was a bear of a man who had a penchant for knives. He'd tossed kitchen knives at us before, and had them hidden all over the house and cars. If he'd gotten his hands on either of us, we would have been seriously hurt... or fatally stabbed. 

The night dad kicked in the door? What stopped him from getting to my mother?

My 1911. 

It was not a decision lightly made. This is, in fact, the first time I am openly admitting this part of the story happened. I'm not ashamed, and I was not wrong. But it isn't easy telling people you had to pull a gun to defend yourself and your mother from your own father. But if my father had made it down the hallway, he would have killed my mother easily. No shots were fired. I didn't even unholster (the gun was holstered for safety, but it was in hand as I was in my pajamas at the time). But it was big and it was silver and the light hit it just right. 

​The cops were made aware and it was unloaded - poorly - by the officer in charge. When we left, it left. It was in the police report that a firearm was present. 

The above article is trying to tell us that domestic violence victims are at risk because their attackers can get guns. But what about the victim's ability? My dad was a knife guy. He didn't care a lick about guns, and any time he threatened us or attempted to hurt us, it involved kitchen knives. What would have happened that night had I not had the ability to buy that 1911 a year earlier? What if it had been disabled or was required to be unloaded? My dad wasn't a stupid man. He was an expert marksman in the military - with a 1911. He would have known what it would take to get it into working order or to get it loaded and ready to go. And he would have gotten angrier that I tried. 

Your anti-gun agenda is not helping victims of domestic violence. Your lies about gun laws are not helping any victims at all. You most likely know damn well that the two bullet points above are fact, and you knew before writing the article. But you have an agenda to push, and fear mongering works wonders. You are fighting to leave victims defenseless. As always, the abuser isn't going to follow the law. Restraining orders are just pieces of paper, if the judge will issue them at all (and if the victim can afford a lawyer to help). If the victim runs and goes across state lines, no law is going to stop the abuser from pursuing with a gun. Or knives. 

No, having the ability to buy and own a gun isn't going to guarantee the victim's safety, either. But it gives them a fighting chance. Making the decision to pull the trigger isn't an easy one. Heck, making the choice to grab the gun in the first place isn't always an easy choice. Do you think I enjoyed it? Do you think I was happy about having to pull a gun on my own father? But is my mother still alive today because I did? YES! Without a doubt. And it is the second amendment to our constitution that I have to thank for that. 

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