Time to Put Up or Shut Up

Oh boy. I have debated writing this entry all day. But as things have progressed, I decided I should go ahead and do it. I have a confession to make, and I want to explain something.

I have wanted to make the corresponding YouTube channel for this page for a very long time, but I hesitated a lot doing it. I am not a very outgoing person and I am very non-confrontational. Truth be told, I am painfully shy, to the point where people who meet me in person just think I'm a jerk. I am also a self proclaimed political misfit, and I knew that making my YouTube channel would place me firmly on the outskirts of any political group. I assumed I'd get attacked from all sides, because while I lean right and mostly "identify" as right, I am very much a centrist libertarian (who doesn't get along with libertarians... see what I'm saying here?!). I have a bad case of the "don't cares," which puts me at odds with people who are really passionate about things I just don't care about... like a good portion of the social issues.

So when I finally decided that I wanted to verbally speak out, I created my YouTube channel (as well as the channel on Vimeo and Minds) with the idea that this was going to be an absolute sh!t storm. However, I need to get myself out of my shell, and I need to remove myself from my comfort zone. Doing this page for several years prepared me, because it and the corresponding social media opened me up to a written barrage of hate I had never experienced in my life. For years, I have been inundated with emails and comments from people that I would probably be friends with if we met in real life! I don't normally share a lot of the hate I receive here, because I know you all get it, too. You don't need to read what I get on top of it.

The YouTube channel is young. I haven't yet gotten tons of views or subscribers, but the channel is growing a little faster than I expected it to. My other personal channels are very slow growing, and I expected the same here. That hasn't been the case. The numbers aren't mind blowing, but in comparison to my other channels, they are impressive. To date, the comments have been as expected. I get emails, YT direct messages, and comments on the videos, with the expected amount of hate. I am also getting a lot of positive feedback, which for some reason I didn't expect. 

Today, however, ushered in a set of comments I also didn't expect, and I realized this was the line. I knew it was coming. I knew I would be tested to an extreme level at some point in time, but I also didn't expect that to come as fast as it did. Today was the day my willingness to accept freedom of speech would be tested. 

A few days ago I posted a video (that can be found here on the videos link) about the 10 demands from BLM to white people. I posted the demands and then I responded. It was my usual laid back tone and feel. I expected the video to get rushed by BLM members calling me a racist even though I used no racist terms or portrayed anything racist, and I steeled myself for the onslaught. After all, it wouldn't be the first time I knocked heads with BLM. That has become a regular issue for me, and it is usually via Instagram and email. It never came. That's not to say it won't. There is still a good chance that it may come. But as of right now, it hasn't. 

What I did get are the white nationalists. I wasn't expecting them. I guess it makes sense. They see a video calling out the stupidity of BLM and they just assume I must agree with them. I don't. I whole heartedly do not. 

The first comment on the video was actually by a black person (unsure of gender, they have no content on their channel), and it was agreeing with what I said in the video and took a shot at BLM. The next comment... pretty much called this person an ape. He, too, was anti-BLM. But he also decided that a commenter who agreed with the video was beneath him in species. He left a general comment for the video, as well, stating the same thing. 

I sat for just seconds thinking this comment over. I have the channel set so that comments have to be approved by me before getting posted, this way I can block out spam comments and "doxxing" comments. This was my defining moment. My channel - and my blog and social media - have a strong free speech message. And here I sit... with the ability to delete this comment without anyone knowing any different. 

The friendly person deep down inside me said to delete the comment to spare the commenter that got called an ape, and to prevent further agreeing comment responses that could blow the comment section on this video down a rabbit hole of racism. 

The flag waving, Constitution loving, PC culture hating bitch that sits a little higher up inside there said to screw it and let the comment through. After all, it's free speech and this person has the right to say whatever the hell they want. Have I not said repeatedly that I support free speech, even the kind I don't like? Haven't I said I'd defend your right to say it to the death, even if it makes me puke in my own mouth?

So now my internal thoughts were doing mortal combat, because one side of me wanted to defend my commenter who was nice, but the other side wanted to defend free speech. This could build a reputation for my channel if I let them stay. It could also deter this nice commenter from coming back. It could draw in more white nationalists. This could also cement me as a hypocrite if I delete the comments I don't agree with. 

In the end, I approved the comments, spent some time pacing up and down in the hallway to blow off the energy this had suddenly filled me with, and hypothetically beat my head against the wall because I hated the comments so much, but I am ideologically opposed to deleting them. Eventually, I came to peace with myself because I had done the right thing. I had done the American thing. True to my own word, I allowed this person to say their piece even though I detest what they said. 

Then an hour ago I logged back in to see the rabbit hole had been opened up. I was, again, faced with approving messages full of racial slurs and small minded comments about black people. A cool half of the comments on this video are not agreeable to me. And while I wish they weren't there and I wish these people wouldn't hover around my videos, I am going to approve the comments because they have the right to say these things. I'll puke in my mouth while approving them, but I'll approve them none the less. 

Why am I posting all of this? Because I wanted to share the message behind it. Your ideologies will be tested. They are being tested every single day, but some days they get tested more than others. This was actually really trying for me. It may sound silly to some of you, but these comments hit me in the soul. I've been torn apart by people who didn't agree with me or didn't like something about my physical appearance. Being of German decent, believe it or not, I was regularly accosted by classmates while in grade school, and was usually drawn on. It was not unusual for me back then to go home with swastikas drawn on me in permanent marker by classmates who would do it again the next day after I managed to scrub them all off. Twice they were physically carved into my skin with a blade. I wasn't a first generation American. I wasn't even second generation. My great grandparents were the ones who came over from Germany, and they were not Nazis (according to my DNA results, I'm heavily more British than German anyway). Even still, this was something I had to deal with. I grew up like this. It ended, thankfully, in high school, when no one seemed to care about my ethnic background. 

But my ideology was tested. I spend a lot of time yelling for freedom of speech and your right to say whatever you want and that everyone else around you has that right too, like it or not. And here I was faced with a chance to delete racist comments without anyone knowing, or standing behind my convictions and unleashing them to the public. I am glad to say I stood behind my convictions even though it pained me. I hope you can, too. We need to. No matter what, we need to stand behind our convictions. It won't always be easy. But you need to find the strength to do it, otherwise our kind will die off and the USA will no longer exist as it was intended. Killing freedom of speech is a big deal to the alt-left right now. They have the support of politicians and the media. We can't allow that to stand. This is how we fight. It's a small fight, and many of them will be. But it is still a worthy fight. You can't tackle the big fights if you aren't willing to tackle the small ones. 

---